The last few months I lost sight of my dream. But tonight God focused my eyes back on the adventure He planned for me.
My dream is to see every person -in the nation I'm called to go to- know the love of God and have a relationship with Him. It's a big dream. It's a God size dream. It's the best type of dream to have.
In 2 Samuel 23 it says that Benaiah went into a pit on a snowy day to kill a lion.
I'm a lion chaser. Some would call that crazy. I'm completely okay with that.
God is teaching me about the simplicity of the Gospel. How it's okay that there is teaching and exegesis but if you lose sight of the truth of the Gospel of the Kingdom. A perfect man dying for the sins of the world in the greatest act of love the earth has ever seen. How we received forgiveness and abundant life as new creations in Christ. All because He loves us. All because He LOVES US. That news saves the world. THE GOOD NEWS. Not teaching, not debating, not great presidents, not, ahhh, whatever we get so hyped up over. It's just love. It's so simple and so powerful.
A love that enables completely crazy dreams. Like chasing lions. And every single one of the 1.3 billion souls in China.
A love that enables a dream to live for and a cause that is worthy to die for.
His is an enabling love. Everyday I realize that I'm completely incapable of doing any of the things He's asked me to do. That's how you know it's God. If He asks you to do the impossible. I get to usher in the impossible onto the Earth. What a glorious reality. Odds change when I walk into the room because the dunamis power of God lives inside me. The sick are healed, lame walk, blind see, mute speak, demons leave at the name Jesus.
I'm overwhelmed that God would partner with me. I'm the mule He has chosen to ride into the city on. I get to carry His Presence. I get to be His hands and feet. When I walk into the room I'm just a prayer away from a miracle.
God, I pray You would give me the faith to pray bigger prayers, to dream bigger dreams. I want more of You. I want Your Spirit to so badly ruin me. No more fear of man. No more fear of failing. Your love enables miracles. Your love enables the impossible. Thank You, Jesus.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
she is a fire sign you know
I'm at the library right now with my bro, Justin. He's from Corvallis but he's been down in Redding, California going to Bethel. I'm so glad he is home, I missed him so much!! He is so excited about what God is doing on the earth and every time I'm with him I think his eagerness rubs off on me, which is totally a good thing.
So, I guess I should share about that part of my life now that I've almost brought it up.
I'm moving to California next September! For at least a year!
I am going to be going to the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I'm in a season where I've got my life together in the sense that I have established myself in the faith but I know there is some character molding that God wants to do in me. I know that Bethel is such an amazing atmosphere for that. I've known for a while that God was calling to me to leave Corvallis for a while in order to set myself apart from what I know. I don't want to lean on the people and the things I know just because I'm in Corvallis and it's safe and familiar. I want to step out into this unknown place and see who I really am when the things I had to fall back on aren't there, there is only God. To see where my character is falling short and have God work out those things.
I don't know if any of that makes any sense at all. But that's just where I am at.
So, I guess I should share about that part of my life now that I've almost brought it up.
I'm moving to California next September! For at least a year!
I am going to be going to the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I'm in a season where I've got my life together in the sense that I have established myself in the faith but I know there is some character molding that God wants to do in me. I know that Bethel is such an amazing atmosphere for that. I've known for a while that God was calling to me to leave Corvallis for a while in order to set myself apart from what I know. I don't want to lean on the people and the things I know just because I'm in Corvallis and it's safe and familiar. I want to step out into this unknown place and see who I really am when the things I had to fall back on aren't there, there is only God. To see where my character is falling short and have God work out those things.
I don't know if any of that makes any sense at all. But that's just where I am at.
Friday, September 19, 2008
The compassion of God
I don't think I could ever express myself fully in words the passion and gratitude I am feeling right now. God has just shown me over and over again how spending time in the Presence of God flows over into ministering to the world. All I need to do is just rest in His Presence and He does all the rest. I've been praying that God would give me a heart of compassion for the people around me. Because of that I've been searching out His heart and asking Him where would He go if He wanted to reach the lost and the needy in Corvallis. One of the things that was made aware to me was something that I had been doing all along but didn't realize that it was one the best places to minister love and grace to people, I ride the bus. Since that realization the bus has me completely humbled every time I get on. These are the people that Jesus would be after. These are the people that need ears to hear their stories. Over the last few weeks I've been getting words of knowledge about people I've been on the bus with. He's asked me to step out of where I am comfortable to comfort someone else. It's been so amazing. But today, instead of just asking me and me just doing. There was a change in my heart. I felt His compassion instead of being just something I did in an act of obedience in faith.
Today I was spending some extra time with Jesus. I pressed in during my normal worship and prayer time. I had a challenge from Jared to speak in my prayer language for an hour straight. I speak in tongues quite a bit but I'm not sure that I've ever pressed in for an hour straight in the Spirit. It was a super exciting challenge. I was so excited because I knew that God's Presence would undo me. I love being undone by my Savior.
After spending that time pressing in God led me to my normal spot, Timberhill Starbucks! Lucky for me the bus that goes to Timberhill goes right by my new apartment! So I hopped on. I put my earphones in and started to listen to my music (Brian and Jenn Johnson, fyi). I got a little wrapped up in my music and I missed my stop. I was slightly irritated but I didn't have anything else to do that day so it wasn't so bad. So, I had to make the full cycle again to get to Timberhill. For some reason, I'm not sure why exactly (well, now I know) I felt like I should get out my $5 bill then, just so I was ready to buy my tall carmel Frappuccino. We made a stop at 9th and circle and picked up a lady, a man and a little girl (I'm assuming her husband and daughter). As soon as they got on God spoke to me and told me to give her my money.
I was suddenly overwhelmed with God's love for her. God loves her so much. God wanted to bless this little Hispanic lady and her family. My first thought was, "God, it's just $5, it's not enough to bless anyone with. She is going to be offended that I gave her such a little amount for no reason." But then I realized that I was being lied to by the enemy. So, I made up my mind to do it. I was nearing my stop, I leaned over to her, she had sat right next to me, and put the bill in her hand. I told her, "I felt like I was supposed to give this to you."
She looked up at me and I could see tears forming in her eyes, which made me start to cry. The same compassion that God has for this lady was flooding over me. She said to me, "But, why?" I told her, "Because God loves you so much. He wants to bless you with this"
She grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go. A tear rolled her check as she kept asking me why I want to do this for her. And she kept saying "Bless you, bless you!" The bus had stopped at my stop already and I had to turn quickly and ask the driver to pull over. I was telling her how much Jesus loved her and how beautiful her daughter was as I was running out the door while the bus was practically still moving.
I'm not saying any of this to give myself any glory but instead to lavish love and glory on our God who deserves it all. God allows us to feel what He feels. He allows us to partner in blessing people. We get to be Jesus' hands and feet on the earth. This story isn't about me at all and really, isn't not about the money that I gave her. It's the fact that to her, a smile and $5 was a sign of love from the Creator of the universe. A sign that there is a God that loves her more than she could ever know.
And for me, I got to feel the love of God in a powerful way, it was well worth it. That feeling I had was completely and utterly priceless in every way. I was humbled that He would consider speaking through my mouth and giving through my hands. In everything I do, I want to represent Jesus. I pray that God continues to completely consume me and overtake and undo me. I just want so much more. I know there is so much more.
Today I was spending some extra time with Jesus. I pressed in during my normal worship and prayer time. I had a challenge from Jared to speak in my prayer language for an hour straight. I speak in tongues quite a bit but I'm not sure that I've ever pressed in for an hour straight in the Spirit. It was a super exciting challenge. I was so excited because I knew that God's Presence would undo me. I love being undone by my Savior.
After spending that time pressing in God led me to my normal spot, Timberhill Starbucks! Lucky for me the bus that goes to Timberhill goes right by my new apartment! So I hopped on. I put my earphones in and started to listen to my music (Brian and Jenn Johnson, fyi). I got a little wrapped up in my music and I missed my stop. I was slightly irritated but I didn't have anything else to do that day so it wasn't so bad. So, I had to make the full cycle again to get to Timberhill. For some reason, I'm not sure why exactly (well, now I know) I felt like I should get out my $5 bill then, just so I was ready to buy my tall carmel Frappuccino. We made a stop at 9th and circle and picked up a lady, a man and a little girl (I'm assuming her husband and daughter). As soon as they got on God spoke to me and told me to give her my money.
I was suddenly overwhelmed with God's love for her. God loves her so much. God wanted to bless this little Hispanic lady and her family. My first thought was, "God, it's just $5, it's not enough to bless anyone with. She is going to be offended that I gave her such a little amount for no reason." But then I realized that I was being lied to by the enemy. So, I made up my mind to do it. I was nearing my stop, I leaned over to her, she had sat right next to me, and put the bill in her hand. I told her, "I felt like I was supposed to give this to you."
She looked up at me and I could see tears forming in her eyes, which made me start to cry. The same compassion that God has for this lady was flooding over me. She said to me, "But, why?" I told her, "Because God loves you so much. He wants to bless you with this"
She grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go. A tear rolled her check as she kept asking me why I want to do this for her. And she kept saying "Bless you, bless you!" The bus had stopped at my stop already and I had to turn quickly and ask the driver to pull over. I was telling her how much Jesus loved her and how beautiful her daughter was as I was running out the door while the bus was practically still moving.
I'm not saying any of this to give myself any glory but instead to lavish love and glory on our God who deserves it all. God allows us to feel what He feels. He allows us to partner in blessing people. We get to be Jesus' hands and feet on the earth. This story isn't about me at all and really, isn't not about the money that I gave her. It's the fact that to her, a smile and $5 was a sign of love from the Creator of the universe. A sign that there is a God that loves her more than she could ever know.
And for me, I got to feel the love of God in a powerful way, it was well worth it. That feeling I had was completely and utterly priceless in every way. I was humbled that He would consider speaking through my mouth and giving through my hands. In everything I do, I want to represent Jesus. I pray that God continues to completely consume me and overtake and undo me. I just want so much more. I know there is so much more.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Empty handed but alive in Your hands
So, I've been hiding out in a blog that most people can't read. I've decided to start blogging more on a regular basis on here.
It's like He is holding out gifts for me but I have to set down what is already in my hands in order to take and receive those things from Him.
I just lost my job the other day. I think that really took my eyes off Jesus just long enough for me to find myself back in a few ruts and patterns of behavior that I'd kicked out of my life. God has been so faithful to show me where I've gone astray and how His desire is to lift me up out of that. God's desire is for complete relational restoration. That is a phrase that has been ringing in my spiritual ears for a few days. I've had it come up as I was praying for other people and for myself. God sent His son for us to have salvation and an abundant life. A complete restoration of what God intended as seen as in the Garden of Eden before the fall. God want's to walk with us in such a real way, His desire is for a complete relational restoration. I believe that includes our spirit, body and minds. I just want to tap into that truth of God's desire for restoration. Creation is waiting for us to be restored so creation itself can be delivered from it's groanings. (Romans 8)
God, I just pray for anyone reading this right now. I pray God that You would reveal to them the desire that You have for their complete surrender to You. That You long for their hands to be empty so You can place specific things in their hands. God, I pray that as Your children that we would be completely restored to You. That we would walk with You in the cool of the day and not be ashamed to be bare and open before You. God, restore us so that the sons of man can bring creation into the fullness in which it was created. God, continue to bring about Your will on the earth through me and my brothers and sisters. God, we choose You. We choose to partner with You. I ask right now that the Holy Spirit would fill and overwhelm our hearts. God, I impart any revelation that I've received into anyone reading this right now. Any revelation, favor or gifting, anything in my tool box, I pray that would be imparted right now. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
I've been running around like a crazy person trying to get things done. I am moving into a new apartment tomorrow and I'm so excited. I've been trying to get rid of things at the same time that I'm trying to pack. I have huge pile of STUFF in my room waiting for it's final journey into the dumpster outside of my apartment. I am so excited to be getting rid of so much stuff. I am excited that I have less stuff to move because last time was ridiculous. Poor Jared had to move 3 loads of my stuff all by himself last time I moved. And that was the "last little bit" of my stuff last time, in June.
This time I have a whole crew of buff brothers to help me. Josh, Ben and Matt are going to be helping me. Yay! Thank you, God for my amazing brothers that love to help. :)
I've been having the most amazing time with God. Sam gave me a homework assignment about doing a word study on the word anxious, which is a story in itself. I started that but the way that the Lord took me was a little different (all stemmed from looking up Philippians 4:6,7.). I picked up my guitar and started singing. I started playing Majesty. I haven't played that song in forever but the Lord brought those lyrics and the chords back into my heart. So, I'm playing and I get stuck on the lyrics, "Your Grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in Your hands" and I just felt the Lord wanted me to rest in that for a while.
I felt the Lord telling me that my hands weren't empty. He showed me a couple of things I was holding onto and I've been pressing in for healing and for the Lord to completely take those things out of my hands. My heart is to lay everything down before the Lord. I'm learning how to trust the Lord in such a complete way. I'm so excited to see what He has for me. I know that as soon as my hands are empty I will have the capacity to receive from Him.
This time I have a whole crew of buff brothers to help me. Josh, Ben and Matt are going to be helping me. Yay! Thank you, God for my amazing brothers that love to help. :)
I've been having the most amazing time with God. Sam gave me a homework assignment about doing a word study on the word anxious, which is a story in itself. I started that but the way that the Lord took me was a little different (all stemmed from looking up Philippians 4:6,7.). I picked up my guitar and started singing. I started playing Majesty. I haven't played that song in forever but the Lord brought those lyrics and the chords back into my heart. So, I'm playing and I get stuck on the lyrics, "Your Grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in Your hands" and I just felt the Lord wanted me to rest in that for a while.
I felt the Lord telling me that my hands weren't empty. He showed me a couple of things I was holding onto and I've been pressing in for healing and for the Lord to completely take those things out of my hands. My heart is to lay everything down before the Lord. I'm learning how to trust the Lord in such a complete way. I'm so excited to see what He has for me. I know that as soon as my hands are empty I will have the capacity to receive from Him.
It's like He is holding out gifts for me but I have to set down what is already in my hands in order to take and receive those things from Him.
I just lost my job the other day. I think that really took my eyes off Jesus just long enough for me to find myself back in a few ruts and patterns of behavior that I'd kicked out of my life. God has been so faithful to show me where I've gone astray and how His desire is to lift me up out of that. God's desire is for complete relational restoration. That is a phrase that has been ringing in my spiritual ears for a few days. I've had it come up as I was praying for other people and for myself. God sent His son for us to have salvation and an abundant life. A complete restoration of what God intended as seen as in the Garden of Eden before the fall. God want's to walk with us in such a real way, His desire is for a complete relational restoration. I believe that includes our spirit, body and minds. I just want to tap into that truth of God's desire for restoration. Creation is waiting for us to be restored so creation itself can be delivered from it's groanings. (Romans 8)
God, I just pray for anyone reading this right now. I pray God that You would reveal to them the desire that You have for their complete surrender to You. That You long for their hands to be empty so You can place specific things in their hands. God, I pray that as Your children that we would be completely restored to You. That we would walk with You in the cool of the day and not be ashamed to be bare and open before You. God, restore us so that the sons of man can bring creation into the fullness in which it was created. God, continue to bring about Your will on the earth through me and my brothers and sisters. God, we choose You. We choose to partner with You. I ask right now that the Holy Spirit would fill and overwhelm our hearts. God, I impart any revelation that I've received into anyone reading this right now. Any revelation, favor or gifting, anything in my tool box, I pray that would be imparted right now. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
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