Spring is here!

At my apartment complex they just put fresh bark dust out onto all the areas that have little trees and shrubs. It smells so fresh and new. I was talking a walk tonight around the complex to clear my head and God started speaking to me about spring, birth, creation, newness of life.

I’ve been a long season of really pressing in for more of God at any cost. I’ve learned that you should only ask God for something unless you are serious, haha. It’s been a year of ups and downs, character molding, stripping away, healing wounds, uprooting hidden fears, boundary setting, core value making. He’s taken me from a place of not even realizing my identity to a place of security of who I am in Him. Not a finished work but He’s set me on a path, I hear His voice, calling me onward, upward. Pressing on towards the prize.

It’s funny when you ask Him to test and mold your character that He brings you in adverse situations to what you are learning. For example, I’ve been crying out for healings and setting a core value for myself that God wants healing. HE WANTS TO HEAL. This was after I’d seen many people be healed on the spot, instantly by God. When I asked Him for more, I had many more chances to pray for people but I wasn’t getting too much breakthrough, not like before. He spoke to me and asked me if I still believed that He’s a God that healed.
That’s hard. To look through my perspective, see the failures. But through God’s eyes it’s a much different picture. He sees obedience to the call on my life, perseverance to keep praying and believing He’s a healer. I don’t know what reason those people didn’t get healed but it really doesn’t matter. My core value is that God heals. My perspective will not change. I am choosing to look through His eyes.

It was my 22^nd birthday 2 days ago and the word that I got from the Lord for this year was from Revelation 21:5, “Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”’ It popped into my spirit as I watched and counted down to midnight with my friend, Hannah.

I got a prophetic word later that night from a girl that I don’t know at all about God bringing me into the promised land. I’m in a season of newness, of freshness, of fulfilled promises.

This next year at Bethel is going to be awesome. God spoke to me about this next year. That I’m going to get more character molding, more healing, more freedom, more identity. I just want more of Him. It’s always scary to ask that. To want more of Him at any cost. The cost could be great and am I willing to lay it all down for Him? I say, Yes Lord. Only because I’ve tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord. Only because He first loved me. That’s the only way I have the strength to give myself over.

I don’t know why I’m writing this other than to say, thank You, God. You are so awesome. I love You so much.

Discipline and Intimacy

This morning I woke up with one word floating around in my spirit. It's a word that's been there for a while now but I'm becoming more and more in tune with the heart of God over the issue of intimacy. Intimacy. Oh, Jesus, how I long to know more of that deep intimacy with Your heart.

My time with God this morning was interesting because He was talking to me about something that I didn't expect. I asked Him what He wanted to teach me about today and He said, "Discipline" and my reaction was WHAT? WHY? I'm learning intimacy, not discipline and they can't be connected. And He just smiled and told me that was because I didn't have the Father's understanding, yet.

My idea of discipline is so skewed and tainted by past hurts. When I think of discipline I always get the picture of a drill Sargent or something in my head. Someone demanding something from me. Getting up at 0500 and running 10349583 laps. Giving up stuff that I don't want to give up.
Over the years I think God has softened my heart to the true meaning of that word but I still didn't have understanding until this morning He taught me about discipline out of intimacy.

He was showing me 3 types of discipline. Discipline out of fear, discipline out of fear of the Lord and discipline out of intimacy.

Discipline out of fear is destructive. It's along the same lines of God being up in Heaven barking out orders to us humanoids. It comes from not having a true grasp on the loving character of God. There is no understanding of grace and forgiveness. You obey because you fear punishment from others and from God. It comes from not knowing your identity of daughter or son. There is so more to God than obeying Him out of fear. There is grace and love that covers all things. The work He finished on the cross is just that, FINISHED. His wrath was satisfied once and for all on the cross through Jesus. Claiming Jesus as your Savior blots out sins, God doesn't see them anymore. There is no reason to view obedience and discipline with that mindset any longer. You live under grace not fear! We have access to life free from fear because His perfect love cast out all fear.

Discipline out of fear of the Lord is what I see most Christians living under. They have honor and respect for the Lord. They know that the Lord loves them and has their best interests in mind. They have peace and joy that comes from Him. They are amazed by Him and know that His ways are above their ways, and they trust Him. That is all really awesome. They obey out of honoring the Lord. They know the Word and desire to follow it; it is the road map to pure living. But I'm learning that there is a far better way.

Discipline out of intimacy.
I have a story that God brought to mind when I was praying about this and I felt like I should share. Even though I'm still slightly embarrassed by it, ha.

When I was 3 I moved to Astoria, Oregon. We moved in next door to a family that had 3 boys, one of which was my age. His name is Philip and I was basically smitten from the first second I saw him. We were close friends growing up and we played outside together almost everyday after school. He knew that I liked him, I used to chase him around our house and try to kiss him (oh dear...).
When I was 8 years old I was playing outside with my brother and we were daring each other to do stupid stuff except I wouldn't do some of the crazy things my brother wanted me to do because, well, he was my brother. Philip came outside at some point and joined my brother and I. And being the smitten 8 year old that I was, I wanted to do everything he wanted me to. The desire that I had to be close to him and make him laugh compelled me to do crazy things. I ate a dog biscuit and THEN he dared to me to sit on a piece of dog poop for 5 minutes. I sat on that stupid piece of poop with a big dumb grin on my face because we were friends, he was doing crazy things for me. It was hilarious to me!!

Looking back I feel really silly but God spoke to me through that this morning.
Discipline through intimacy. Being so smitten with the heart of God that it doesn't matter was He says anymore, it's not about Him asking. It's about me wanting to give myself over to Him because I know His heart. I feel His heart beat and I yearn for my heart to beat the same way. It's not about rules, following do's and do not's. It's about knowing intimately the heart of God and giving yourself over completely because a love like His compels me to do so. When I'm sitting with Papa on His lap, there isn't anything thing that I wouldn't do for Him. There isn't anything that I think is impossible. I dream big dreams only to have Him tell me that His are bigger and more extravagant that I could even imagine. But He's pleased with my heart to dream those huge dreams. He's going to do it. He's going to do that through me because I'm His daughter. I have a hunger so strong for God that I can go without the pleasures of this world and be completely satisfied.

But I know there is even more than this. I just want more of His heart. More of His hope and joy. My heart's cry for this generation is to know their identity and know the intimacy that they can have with the creator. As we seek His face He is going to create in us clean hands and pure hearts. A vast army with the sole purpose of bringing about the manifestation of His Kingdom, His love, on the Earth.

My heart is to stand before the Lord and present to Him whole nations. There is a verse in Psalms 2 that says "8Ask of Me, and I will give You the nations as Your inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth as Your possession."

And that rocks me. God, what is that I need to do in order to see that happen? And then He told me to read what He says right before that. 7 "I will declare the decree of the Lord: He said to Me, You are My Son; this day [I declare] I have begotten You."

IDENTITY, INTIMACY.

Knowing what the Lord speaks over us leads us into the kind of lifestyle that will woo nations to Himself!!

DO IT LORD!!

God who is Spirit, alive in me

After being home in Hammond for a while I made a few observations that I felt that I needed to write out because they made me smile and I know God delights in them :)

I love my mom sooo much. She's so strong and so beautiful. She's definitely one of my heroes. She wasn't the perfect mom in any sense but she did the best she could with the cards she was dealt and I'm very grateful. Every time I'm home I realize that I'm more and more like her everyday. Not only do I look a lot like her but I AM like her in a lot of ways (for better or worse). We laugh at the same things, have the same handwriting, have the same little quirks, the same pet peeves, etc. We were washing dishes together the other night and I was mentioning how much I realized that during this trip. I saw this slow smile spread across her face. It just said it all. She deeply enjoyed that her daughter is like her (and knows it!). And in the second I just heard the Lord laugh and delight in that. Not only because I honor and delight in my mom but that that's how He feels about me.

As my Father the more time I spend with Him, the more and more I become like Him. He's writing who He is on my heart. I look like Him, I'm beginning to act like Him, I understand His heart more and more every day.

I can just see Him, a slow smile spreading across His face, deeply enjoying His favorite daughter becoming more like Him.

All of me for all of Him

Every bit of me can be used to reveal the glory of God. I’m just coming into a deeper and greater revelation of this truth.

I was walking to the bus stop this morning and I was listening to a CD by Rick Pino called Weapons of Warfare. It has a bunch of songs that release you into spiritual warfare and into your anointing. I was walking to the bus stop and I was dancing and worshiping the Lord. I really don’t care who sees me at this point; I’m so over being afraid of people. As I was stepping and moving to the beat of the music the Lord started talking to me about what was going on in the spirit realm. In each step, in each motion I have an opportunity to partner with Heaven. I have the opportunity to use every part of myself to bless the Lord and release His Kingdom on the earth. My body is a temple and the dwelling place of the Spirit. I’m filled with Him in such a way that what I do, He does with me. How awesome is that?? If I dance for the Lord it releases joy and freedom into the atmosphere around me. I’ve been given authority and power from on High to change the course of history. Every time I hold a paint brush and paint for Him it changes the atmosphere! Every time I strum the strings of my guitar it changes the atmosphere! Every time I use my vocal chords to cry out to Him it changes the atmosphere! It draws Heaven near and dispels the darkness. I can use all of who I am to reveal the fullness of who He is and what He wants to do on the earth.

Our Creator is just that, creative! We have access to unlimited creativity in Him!! My hearts cry is that this generation would first off know who they are and the authority that they have in Christ Jesus. I pray that secondly that they would know how to creatively do battle against powers and principalities. When we dance a victory dance we are stomping on the head of enemy!!! When you give over your talents, heart, mind, body, soul over the Lord, YOU ARE HIS WEAPON OF CHOICE!

Oh, Jesus. Would You draw forth a generation that understands who they are. God, create in us a willing heart to give all of ourselves over to You. Help us to know that we are Your weapon of choice against the enemy. You are a big, creative God!! God, reveal to us how we can partner with You in creativity in every step we take and every breath we breathe. Completely overtake us Lord with Your vision for the earth and Your creation that You love so dearly.

Chasing lions

The last few months I lost sight of my dream. But tonight God focused my eyes back on the adventure He planned for me.

My dream is to see every person -in the nation I'm called to go to- know the love of God and have a relationship with Him. It's a big dream. It's a God size dream. It's the best type of dream to have.

In 2 Samuel 23 it says that Benaiah went into a pit on a snowy day to kill a lion.

I'm a lion chaser. Some would call that crazy. I'm completely okay with that.

God is teaching me about the simplicity of the Gospel. How it's okay that there is teaching and exegesis but if you lose sight of the truth of the Gospel of the Kingdom. A perfect man dying for the sins of the world in the greatest act of love the earth has ever seen. How we received forgiveness and abundant life as new creations in Christ. All because He loves us. All because He LOVES US. That news saves the world. THE GOOD NEWS. Not teaching, not debating, not great presidents, not, ahhh, whatever we get so hyped up over. It's just love. It's so simple and so powerful.

A love that enables completely crazy dreams. Like chasing lions. And every single one of the 1.3 billion souls in China.

A love that enables a dream to live for and a cause that is worthy to die for.

His is an enabling love. Everyday I realize that I'm completely incapable of doing any of the things He's asked me to do. That's how you know it's God. If He asks you to do the impossible. I get to usher in the impossible onto the Earth. What a glorious reality. Odds change when I walk into the room because the dunamis power of God lives inside me. The sick are healed, lame walk, blind see, mute speak, demons leave at the name Jesus.
I'm overwhelmed that God would partner with me. I'm the mule He has chosen to ride into the city on. I get to carry His Presence. I get to be His hands and feet. When I walk into the room I'm just a prayer away from a miracle.

God, I pray You would give me the faith to pray bigger prayers, to dream bigger dreams. I want more of You. I want Your Spirit to so badly ruin me. No more fear of man. No more fear of failing. Your love enables miracles. Your love enables the impossible. Thank You, Jesus.

she is a fire sign you know

I'm at the library right now with my bro, Justin. He's from Corvallis but he's been down in Redding, California going to Bethel. I'm so glad he is home, I missed him so much!! He is so excited about what God is doing on the earth and every time I'm with him I think his eagerness rubs off on me, which is totally a good thing.

So, I guess I should share about that part of my life now that I've almost brought it up.

I'm moving to California next September! For at least a year!
I am going to be going to the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I'm in a season where I've got my life together in the sense that I have established myself in the faith but I know there is some character molding that God wants to do in me. I know that Bethel is such an amazing atmosphere for that. I've known for a while that God was calling to me to leave Corvallis for a while in order to set myself apart from what I know. I don't want to lean on the people and the things I know just because I'm in Corvallis and it's safe and familiar. I want to step out into this unknown place and see who I really am when the things I had to fall back on aren't there, there is only God. To see where my character is falling short and have God work out those things.

I don't know if any of that makes any sense at all. But that's just where I am at.

The compassion of God

I don't think I could ever express myself fully in words the passion and gratitude I am feeling right now. God has just shown me over and over again how spending time in the Presence of God flows over into ministering to the world. All I need to do is just rest in His Presence and He does all the rest. I've been praying that God would give me a heart of compassion for the people around me. Because of that I've been searching out His heart and asking Him where would He go if He wanted to reach the lost and the needy in Corvallis. One of the things that was made aware to me was something that I had been doing all along but didn't realize that it was one the best places to minister love and grace to people, I ride the bus. Since that realization the bus has me completely humbled every time I get on. These are the people that Jesus would be after. These are the people that need ears to hear their stories. Over the last few weeks I've been getting words of knowledge about people I've been on the bus with. He's asked me to step out of where I am comfortable to comfort someone else. It's been so amazing. But today, instead of just asking me and me just doing. There was a change in my heart. I felt His compassion instead of being just something I did in an act of obedience in faith.

Today I was spending some extra time with Jesus. I pressed in during my normal worship and prayer time. I had a challenge from Jared to speak in my prayer language for an hour straight. I speak in tongues quite a bit but I'm not sure that I've ever pressed in for an hour straight in the Spirit. It was a super exciting challenge. I was so excited because I knew that God's Presence would undo me. I love being undone by my Savior.
After spending that time pressing in God led me to my normal spot, Timberhill Starbucks! Lucky for me the bus that goes to Timberhill goes right by my new apartment! So I hopped on. I put my earphones in and started to listen to my music (Brian and Jenn Johnson, fyi). I got a little wrapped up in my music and I missed my stop. I was slightly irritated but I didn't have anything else to do that day so it wasn't so bad. So, I had to make the full cycle again to get to Timberhill. For some reason, I'm not sure why exactly (well, now I know) I felt like I should get out my $5 bill then, just so I was ready to buy my tall carmel Frappuccino. We made a stop at 9th and circle and picked up a lady, a man and a little girl (I'm assuming her husband and daughter). As soon as they got on God spoke to me and told me to give her my money.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with God's love for her. God loves her so much. God wanted to bless this little Hispanic lady and her family. My first thought was, "God, it's just $5, it's not enough to bless anyone with. She is going to be offended that I gave her such a little amount for no reason." But then I realized that I was being lied to by the enemy. So, I made up my mind to do it. I was nearing my stop, I leaned over to her, she had sat right next to me, and put the bill in her hand. I told her, "I felt like I was supposed to give this to you."
She looked up at me and I could see tears forming in her eyes, which made me start to cry. The same compassion that God has for this lady was flooding over me. She said to me, "But, why?" I told her, "Because God loves you so much. He wants to bless you with this"
She grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go. A tear rolled her check as she kept asking me why I want to do this for her. And she kept saying "Bless you, bless you!" The bus had stopped at my stop already and I had to turn quickly and ask the driver to pull over. I was telling her how much Jesus loved her and how beautiful her daughter was as I was running out the door while the bus was practically still moving.

I'm not saying any of this to give myself any glory but instead to lavish love and glory on our God who deserves it all. God allows us to feel what He feels. He allows us to partner in blessing people. We get to be Jesus' hands and feet on the earth. This story isn't about me at all and really, isn't not about the money that I gave her. It's the fact that to her, a smile and $5 was a sign of love from the Creator of the universe. A sign that there is a God that loves her more than she could ever know.
And for me, I got to feel the love of God in a powerful way, it was well worth it. That feeling I had was completely and utterly priceless in every way. I was humbled that He would consider speaking through my mouth and giving through my hands. In everything I do, I want to represent Jesus. I pray that God continues to completely consume me and overtake and undo me. I just want so much more. I know there is so much more.