Spring is here!

At my apartment complex they just put fresh bark dust out onto all the areas that have little trees and shrubs. It smells so fresh and new. I was talking a walk tonight around the complex to clear my head and God started speaking to me about spring, birth, creation, newness of life.

I’ve been a long season of really pressing in for more of God at any cost. I’ve learned that you should only ask God for something unless you are serious, haha. It’s been a year of ups and downs, character molding, stripping away, healing wounds, uprooting hidden fears, boundary setting, core value making. He’s taken me from a place of not even realizing my identity to a place of security of who I am in Him. Not a finished work but He’s set me on a path, I hear His voice, calling me onward, upward. Pressing on towards the prize.

It’s funny when you ask Him to test and mold your character that He brings you in adverse situations to what you are learning. For example, I’ve been crying out for healings and setting a core value for myself that God wants healing. HE WANTS TO HEAL. This was after I’d seen many people be healed on the spot, instantly by God. When I asked Him for more, I had many more chances to pray for people but I wasn’t getting too much breakthrough, not like before. He spoke to me and asked me if I still believed that He’s a God that healed.
That’s hard. To look through my perspective, see the failures. But through God’s eyes it’s a much different picture. He sees obedience to the call on my life, perseverance to keep praying and believing He’s a healer. I don’t know what reason those people didn’t get healed but it really doesn’t matter. My core value is that God heals. My perspective will not change. I am choosing to look through His eyes.

It was my 22^nd birthday 2 days ago and the word that I got from the Lord for this year was from Revelation 21:5, “Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”’ It popped into my spirit as I watched and counted down to midnight with my friend, Hannah.

I got a prophetic word later that night from a girl that I don’t know at all about God bringing me into the promised land. I’m in a season of newness, of freshness, of fulfilled promises.

This next year at Bethel is going to be awesome. God spoke to me about this next year. That I’m going to get more character molding, more healing, more freedom, more identity. I just want more of Him. It’s always scary to ask that. To want more of Him at any cost. The cost could be great and am I willing to lay it all down for Him? I say, Yes Lord. Only because I’ve tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord. Only because He first loved me. That’s the only way I have the strength to give myself over.

I don’t know why I’m writing this other than to say, thank You, God. You are so awesome. I love You so much.

Discipline and Intimacy

This morning I woke up with one word floating around in my spirit. It's a word that's been there for a while now but I'm becoming more and more in tune with the heart of God over the issue of intimacy. Intimacy. Oh, Jesus, how I long to know more of that deep intimacy with Your heart.

My time with God this morning was interesting because He was talking to me about something that I didn't expect. I asked Him what He wanted to teach me about today and He said, "Discipline" and my reaction was WHAT? WHY? I'm learning intimacy, not discipline and they can't be connected. And He just smiled and told me that was because I didn't have the Father's understanding, yet.

My idea of discipline is so skewed and tainted by past hurts. When I think of discipline I always get the picture of a drill Sargent or something in my head. Someone demanding something from me. Getting up at 0500 and running 10349583 laps. Giving up stuff that I don't want to give up.
Over the years I think God has softened my heart to the true meaning of that word but I still didn't have understanding until this morning He taught me about discipline out of intimacy.

He was showing me 3 types of discipline. Discipline out of fear, discipline out of fear of the Lord and discipline out of intimacy.

Discipline out of fear is destructive. It's along the same lines of God being up in Heaven barking out orders to us humanoids. It comes from not having a true grasp on the loving character of God. There is no understanding of grace and forgiveness. You obey because you fear punishment from others and from God. It comes from not knowing your identity of daughter or son. There is so more to God than obeying Him out of fear. There is grace and love that covers all things. The work He finished on the cross is just that, FINISHED. His wrath was satisfied once and for all on the cross through Jesus. Claiming Jesus as your Savior blots out sins, God doesn't see them anymore. There is no reason to view obedience and discipline with that mindset any longer. You live under grace not fear! We have access to life free from fear because His perfect love cast out all fear.

Discipline out of fear of the Lord is what I see most Christians living under. They have honor and respect for the Lord. They know that the Lord loves them and has their best interests in mind. They have peace and joy that comes from Him. They are amazed by Him and know that His ways are above their ways, and they trust Him. That is all really awesome. They obey out of honoring the Lord. They know the Word and desire to follow it; it is the road map to pure living. But I'm learning that there is a far better way.

Discipline out of intimacy.
I have a story that God brought to mind when I was praying about this and I felt like I should share. Even though I'm still slightly embarrassed by it, ha.

When I was 3 I moved to Astoria, Oregon. We moved in next door to a family that had 3 boys, one of which was my age. His name is Philip and I was basically smitten from the first second I saw him. We were close friends growing up and we played outside together almost everyday after school. He knew that I liked him, I used to chase him around our house and try to kiss him (oh dear...).
When I was 8 years old I was playing outside with my brother and we were daring each other to do stupid stuff except I wouldn't do some of the crazy things my brother wanted me to do because, well, he was my brother. Philip came outside at some point and joined my brother and I. And being the smitten 8 year old that I was, I wanted to do everything he wanted me to. The desire that I had to be close to him and make him laugh compelled me to do crazy things. I ate a dog biscuit and THEN he dared to me to sit on a piece of dog poop for 5 minutes. I sat on that stupid piece of poop with a big dumb grin on my face because we were friends, he was doing crazy things for me. It was hilarious to me!!

Looking back I feel really silly but God spoke to me through that this morning.
Discipline through intimacy. Being so smitten with the heart of God that it doesn't matter was He says anymore, it's not about Him asking. It's about me wanting to give myself over to Him because I know His heart. I feel His heart beat and I yearn for my heart to beat the same way. It's not about rules, following do's and do not's. It's about knowing intimately the heart of God and giving yourself over completely because a love like His compels me to do so. When I'm sitting with Papa on His lap, there isn't anything thing that I wouldn't do for Him. There isn't anything that I think is impossible. I dream big dreams only to have Him tell me that His are bigger and more extravagant that I could even imagine. But He's pleased with my heart to dream those huge dreams. He's going to do it. He's going to do that through me because I'm His daughter. I have a hunger so strong for God that I can go without the pleasures of this world and be completely satisfied.

But I know there is even more than this. I just want more of His heart. More of His hope and joy. My heart's cry for this generation is to know their identity and know the intimacy that they can have with the creator. As we seek His face He is going to create in us clean hands and pure hearts. A vast army with the sole purpose of bringing about the manifestation of His Kingdom, His love, on the Earth.

My heart is to stand before the Lord and present to Him whole nations. There is a verse in Psalms 2 that says "8Ask of Me, and I will give You the nations as Your inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth as Your possession."

And that rocks me. God, what is that I need to do in order to see that happen? And then He told me to read what He says right before that. 7 "I will declare the decree of the Lord: He said to Me, You are My Son; this day [I declare] I have begotten You."

IDENTITY, INTIMACY.

Knowing what the Lord speaks over us leads us into the kind of lifestyle that will woo nations to Himself!!

DO IT LORD!!

God who is Spirit, alive in me

After being home in Hammond for a while I made a few observations that I felt that I needed to write out because they made me smile and I know God delights in them :)

I love my mom sooo much. She's so strong and so beautiful. She's definitely one of my heroes. She wasn't the perfect mom in any sense but she did the best she could with the cards she was dealt and I'm very grateful. Every time I'm home I realize that I'm more and more like her everyday. Not only do I look a lot like her but I AM like her in a lot of ways (for better or worse). We laugh at the same things, have the same handwriting, have the same little quirks, the same pet peeves, etc. We were washing dishes together the other night and I was mentioning how much I realized that during this trip. I saw this slow smile spread across her face. It just said it all. She deeply enjoyed that her daughter is like her (and knows it!). And in the second I just heard the Lord laugh and delight in that. Not only because I honor and delight in my mom but that that's how He feels about me.

As my Father the more time I spend with Him, the more and more I become like Him. He's writing who He is on my heart. I look like Him, I'm beginning to act like Him, I understand His heart more and more every day.

I can just see Him, a slow smile spreading across His face, deeply enjoying His favorite daughter becoming more like Him.

All of me for all of Him

Every bit of me can be used to reveal the glory of God. I’m just coming into a deeper and greater revelation of this truth.

I was walking to the bus stop this morning and I was listening to a CD by Rick Pino called Weapons of Warfare. It has a bunch of songs that release you into spiritual warfare and into your anointing. I was walking to the bus stop and I was dancing and worshiping the Lord. I really don’t care who sees me at this point; I’m so over being afraid of people. As I was stepping and moving to the beat of the music the Lord started talking to me about what was going on in the spirit realm. In each step, in each motion I have an opportunity to partner with Heaven. I have the opportunity to use every part of myself to bless the Lord and release His Kingdom on the earth. My body is a temple and the dwelling place of the Spirit. I’m filled with Him in such a way that what I do, He does with me. How awesome is that?? If I dance for the Lord it releases joy and freedom into the atmosphere around me. I’ve been given authority and power from on High to change the course of history. Every time I hold a paint brush and paint for Him it changes the atmosphere! Every time I strum the strings of my guitar it changes the atmosphere! Every time I use my vocal chords to cry out to Him it changes the atmosphere! It draws Heaven near and dispels the darkness. I can use all of who I am to reveal the fullness of who He is and what He wants to do on the earth.

Our Creator is just that, creative! We have access to unlimited creativity in Him!! My hearts cry is that this generation would first off know who they are and the authority that they have in Christ Jesus. I pray that secondly that they would know how to creatively do battle against powers and principalities. When we dance a victory dance we are stomping on the head of enemy!!! When you give over your talents, heart, mind, body, soul over the Lord, YOU ARE HIS WEAPON OF CHOICE!

Oh, Jesus. Would You draw forth a generation that understands who they are. God, create in us a willing heart to give all of ourselves over to You. Help us to know that we are Your weapon of choice against the enemy. You are a big, creative God!! God, reveal to us how we can partner with You in creativity in every step we take and every breath we breathe. Completely overtake us Lord with Your vision for the earth and Your creation that You love so dearly.